Distracted by...Pageants and Pedophiles

At the suggestion of Princess #2, I took one for the team and watched an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras, so that you don't have to. This show is on TLC, which is short for The Learning Channel, and boy, do these people have a lot to learn. Like the ENGLISH LANGUAGE, for starters. Yes, this show has subtitles. Oh, it's produced in America. It's just that the people are from Mississippi and Louisiana (act shocked) and you can barely understand what the hell they are saying.

I sat down with a cocktail (act shocked) thinking I was in for a half hour of idiocy. No, it's an hour long. Christ on the cross, help us. The show revolved around three victims, I mean, uh, children, and the people I will refer to as the Pedophile Enablers, or PEs for short. Most of the PEs are parents. With very bad Southern accents and very small brains.

The children are Taylor, who's 4, Makynli , 5, (WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NAME IS THAT? IT'S PRONOUNCED LIKE McKinley, AS IN PRESIDENT MCKINLEY) and a girl named Madison, whose stage name is Tootie. Madison/Tootie is 10 and speaks of herself in the third person, such as "Tootie did really good on stage today. She's really tired right now." She's talking about herself!

All three girls talk to the cameras about how much they enjoy "being perfect" and how much they want to win. The female PEs mostly try to avoid revealing how much they spend on this bullshit and work hard to convince the viewer (and themselves?) that they only do it because the girls love it and they will stop the instant the girls aren't having fun anymore. Yeah, right. One male PE says "the guys at work think this is just about psycho moms." Those guys are correct, dude. The same PE says "I don't mind the hair and makeup but I draw the line at leather and chains and fishnet stockings." Oh, good. As long as you have limits. His daughter is 5.

The three girls are taking part in the Kings and Queens of America pageant in Louisiana (act shocked). Oddly enough, the pageant director is a woman who isn't wearing any makeup and hasn't seen a comb since 1982. The children, on the other hand, have way more makeup on than the hookers on 27th and State, including fake hair, eyelashes, press-on nails, and spray tans. If you saw a grown woman with that much makeup on you would laugh out loud. At one point Taylor's female PE is saying "she doesn't mind the tan" at the SAME TIME as the little girl is crying and screaming and trying to squirm away from the tanning lady.

The children, all tarted up like hookers, prance around in three competitions: Super Model, Beauty ("facial beauty", the moms say), and American Wear. Taylor - the 4 year-old - has a red and white bikini for her "American wear" and she comes out in a skirt and then rips it off to expose her body. SHE IS FOUR. The competition continues like that - the girls, from age 1 to 12, (YES, ONE. THEY CAN'T EVEN WALK BY THEMSELVES) strut, shimmy, shake their hips, strip off articles of clothing and throw kisses to the judges. It is sickening. Refill your cocktail.

While the little ones are hard to watch, it's worse with the older girls. At 10-12 years-old they really look like young women with all that makeup and fake hair. It's really, really, really, disturbing to watch them shake their asses for a group of judges and PEs. Very, very, sickening. And gross. And their PEs should be saving that money because theses girls will need therapy.

The little one, Taylor, wins a crown (5th place) and falls asleep in her mom's lap, totally oblivious. Makynli (JESUS CHRIST WHAT A STUPID NAME) wins a crown and a live puppy (they gave away PUPPIES) and is lovin' life. Her PE is especially proud because she won the Beauty portion.

Now, as bizarre and barely watchable as this show is, the end was...sad. "Tootie" only wins one award, and it's not the one she wanted. Her mother looks at the camera and says - I am not making this up - "She didn't win Beauty. Well, we can't change her face.'' She is standing there with her ridiculous, giant wig and her ridiculous Dolly Parton makeup, and they ask her, "Were you happy when you heard your name called?" She just stares at the camera. Finally she says "I don't know. No." She turns to walk away, but stops, and says "Don't put that on TV."

Children should be cute, not sexy. People who put children in beauty pageants are sick individuals who are creating fantasies for pedophiles and children who are damaged for life. I stand by that statement 100%. Do not watch Toddlers and Tiaras. It has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Now, I need to freshen my cocktail (act shocked) and scrub my brain with National Geographic Channel or something.

Checking out the new Target

There's a fancy new Target in our town, and it's one of those with a full grocery section (along the lines of a Super Wal-Mart). We got a really great coupon book and a $5 gift certificate in the mail to celebrate the grand opening, so I decided to check it out.


I normally do my grocery shopping at Pick 'n Save, augmented by the farmers' market and Panos' Meat and Fruit Market (a mini-market catering to the Latino market). I took my niece and nephew along and we spent (needed) an hour and twenty minutes to get the shopping done. That's longer than it usually takes me, but with an unfamiliar layout and so many distractions, it's understandable. Had I been alone it would have taken even longer because M&M did a lot of running and gathering items from other aisles. There were several items on my list that I did not get because we couldn't find them or they weren't available. And frankly, the hugeness and chaotic atmosphere of a department store and grocery store together was more than I could take. After a while I just wanted to get out of there.


The "regular" section of the Target is the same as they all are, and then the grocery section is along the left wall as you enter the store. It's fairly large, although not even close to the size of a regular grocery store. The aisles are arranged from side to side, instead of up and down the length of the store, like a traditional supermarket. For some reason that feels very claustrophobic and confusing. (Note to Target: two shopping carts barely fit side-by-side in your grocery aisles.) The selection is fine for packaged items but very slim for fresh items. If you want apples there are two choices: red and green. Yoplait Yogurt's most popular flavors are there, but I think Yoplait was the only brand available. Lettuce came in two choices: A head of Iceberg or a bag of Romaine hearts. Ground beef was in perfectly manufactured one pound packages, but if there was any other meat I did not see it. You get the idea.


Some of the prices were significantly lower than Pick 'n Save. Newman's Own organic pasta sauce was $2.19, vs. $2.82 at P&S. Jif Peanut Butter was $2.24, P&S store brand was $3.19. Frozen vegetables were $0.99 at both. Soda, a little cheaper. La Croix, 50 cents more. Milk at Target was $3.09 and the same brand only $2.36 at P&S. So there might be some cost savings if you are careful, but one also has to be aware that these might be special lower prices for the opening. It will be interesting to see if the prices start to creep up after the store has been open for a while.


Now, if you just go in to buy groceries you might save some money (especially with Target and manufacturer coupons, since they take both.) However, you're in a Target. I purchased at least $70 worth a stuff (CDs, socks, toys for the kids) that I would not have bought (or been tempted by) at a regular grocery store. That is the the business model here, I think. You may go in to save money on groceries, but they are betting that you throw a cute top and a box of Legos in there, too. So, caveat emptor.


The bottom line is this: If you need to go to Target for something else, it is worth it to pick up a few grocery items and save yourself another trip. If you are just going grocery shopping, stick to your regular grocery store.

Distracted by...Ignorance

Not a lot of time right now...running off to Kiwanis meeting...but I have to get this off my chest:

A "Certificate of Live Birth" IS a "birth certificate." They are the SAME THING. In philosophy we call this an analytical proposition. Analytical propositions are necessarily true because the concept of the predicate is contained in the concept of the subject.

Another analytical proposition would be: "People who doubt President Obama's citizenship are morons."

There. Don't you feel smarter?

Distracted by...Obama's Birth Certificate

This non-issue of Obama's birth certificate is back in the news, and I for one am looking forward to it being laid to rest for once (well, really for the millionth time) and for all. The Supreme Court and many courts leading up to it have already ruled that there is no legitimacy to the claim that he was not really born in Hawaii, but once again we have to give the batshit crazy moron his day in court (Alan Keyes, I'm talking to you.)

We all know that Obama's birth certificate has been available online for years, it has been certified as authentic by officials in Hawaii (including the Republican governor) and has been examined by numerous journalists. Also, his birth was announced in the local papers which any one can access in the archives. So, the conspiracy would not just have to be running through the current Hawaiian government, it would have had to start nearly 50 years ago, before his birth. ("Let's plant a fake birth announcement in the local papers just in case this baby might want to run for president one day.') Yeah, that's real plausible.

The reason I am writing about this ridiculous situation is that many of the insane rantings I read are related to wanting to see Obama's "long form" birth certificate or insisting that the one that is posted online could not be real because it doesn't include enough information. There are also many people who claim that most adults carry around their "original" birth certificates, and by that I assume they mean the one that their parents got when they were born. That, of course, is just not true. I remember seeing my "original" birth certificate (which my mother kept in a box in the linen closet) and using it to get my driver's license. Over the years it was misplaced and I got a new one. My certified birth certificate, issued by Milwaukee County, includes a lot of information - the name of the hospital, time of birth, my father's age and occupation, etc.

Now, my husband's birth certificate, which we ordered from South Dakota in order to get a marriage license (he did not have a copy - maybe he wasn't born here!) is a practically blank piece of paper that lists his name, his parents' names, his date and county of birth and the sex of the baby. That's it. No hospital, no city, no time of birth, no occupations, no nothing. It has a raised seal and other official-looking stuff, but if I scanned it and posted it the same conspiracy theorists would no doubt reject it and claim he was born on the moon or something.

My point is that states and counties all have their own birth certificate format, and to say that Obama's doesn't "look" real is just stupid. Not to mention how stupid it is to think that a young woman, in 1961, would go from Hawaii to Kenya to give birth and then somehow sneak the baby home to pretend it was born in the United States. That is ludicrous.

So bring it, Alan Keyes. And when you lose (you should be very used to losing by now) kindly shut the fuck up.

The Real Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives and What Has Become of the Republican Party

I will try to be brief here, but there is a lot to talk about with this subject.

First, some definitions. One of the things I love about the classes I am taking is that I am finally learning the real definitions of ideologies that are distorted in the media. We read numerous writings of the people whose theories current day ideologies are based upon, including "the father of conservatism," Edmund Burke. He talks about how democracy is a shameful thing, how human beings should fear God, that "the consecration of the state, by a state religious establishment, is necessary," and a person who has will is selfish. Then there's Michael Oakeshott, who is writing in modern times (he died in 1990) and explains in his essay "On Being Conservative," that "to be conservative is to prefer the familiar to the unknown," and "live at the level of one's own means." Not all that bad. But then he goes on to say that change is something that must be "suffered" and that men are not natural innovators. That last bit is quite obviously false. Men are indeed innovators. It comes down to this: conservatives hate change, are afraid of adventure, are loyal friends (his ode to friendship is a bright spot), and don't believe the government should do anything but "administer the rules of the game." No public education, no social programs, no Medicare, no welfare, nothing but a strong currency and military. He does not mention anything about butting into people's bedrooms or uteruses.

Now, while this is the technical definition of what it means to be conservative, I don't think that many people who call themselves conservative actually adhere to all of it, just as people who consider themselves members of Catholic Church do not actually follow all (or even most) of the church doctrine.

After reading these and more authors, I was sure I was not "conservative." I believe in public education. I believe society should care for citizens who cannot care for themselves. I believe that innovation is the important task of man. I believe that democracy (albeit a representative democracy) is the best form of government, and I do not believe that a nation should have an established state religion. These are all tenants of what we currently call "liberalism."

Speaking of religion, this nation is NOT a theocracy, and it is NOT based on Judeo-Christian authority, as so many misguided people continue to spout. The word "God" is used in the Declaration of Independence only as part of the phrase "Nature's God." There is mention of a "Creator" and use of the word "divine." There is no mention of Jesus Christ or Christianity and indeed the writers seem to be deliberately trying to be as generic about a higher power as they could, considering the times in which they were writing. The Constitution makes no reference to God at all, and of course specifically declares that there is not to be any establishment of state religion.

Okay, this is long, but my final thought is this: The Republican Party has strayed too far from the tenets of modern conservatism by embracing the religious right. This is the party, after all, that was formed specifically to fight slavery, yet somehow they are stuck with people who are blatantly racist, and who we all know referred at Barack Obama as a "nigger" at their campaign rallies. Their original platform talks about rights, freedoms, expansion of infrastructure for trade purposes, and equality of all men. The same party that fought for civil rights in the 1960s is now fighting against civil rights. They say they want "save traditional marriage" but make no moves to do anything about the divorce rate or philandering in their own elected officials. All to appease the religious right whose votes they think they need.

European democracies have political parties that embrace religion and run on that platform truthfully. Germany has a party actually called the "Christian Democratic Union." I think the Republican Party should go back to what it means to be a true conservative, with liberty and small government, and let the Christian right here in the U.S. form their own party and stand on their own. If those people want run on their platform of racism, misogyny, homophobia and theocracy, so be it. They will not win in this nation.

I honestly don't know if the name "Republican" has been too tarnished to be of any more use, but perhaps it can be successfully rebranded. This country needs two strong parties, and one should be a true conservative party, not what has become of the Republican Party.

Distracted by...Tori & Dean and Adoption

I was not a Tori Spelling fan when she was in 90210. Never watched it. I discovered her one night when I was flipping around and her show So NoTORIous was on VH1. It was an over-the-top fake version of her real life. It was self-deprecating and hilarious. I became a fan, and I love Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. Both her books are funny and thoughtful and I highly recommend them. (sTORI telling and Mommywood.)

On the last episode, Tori's very good friends, a couple named Bill and Scout (two men) announce that they are going to adopt. (Cheers, tears of happiness - they are sooooo great with Tori's kids.) On the T&D website there was a little video of Bill and Scout at the adoption agency learning about the process they will have to go through - tons of forms and questionnaires, home visits, career and financial questions, complete biographies, letters of support, medical reports - you name it. They need to know every single thing about your life to determine if you are suitable parents for a child who has no parents at all. There was no indication the process would have been any different for a hetero couple.

This got me wondering - why is the adoption process so intense and difficult, when any moron can go out and have a child and society doesn't care unless they nearly kill them? I mean, when horrible people - who should not have had children - neglect or abuse them to the point where the children are removed by Social Services, the goal is always to return the children to the horrible parents at the first sign of stability. But when perfectly normal people want to care for the children no one else wants they have to prove they are perfect. This makes no sense. I think that if the process was not so egregious (and expensive) a lot more people would consider adoption. Nobody's perfect, so aren't less-than-perfect adoptive parents better than no parents?

Distracted by...Feud with Princess #2!

Yowza! I guess my post about Bill O'Reilly, which I thought was hilarious (and so did a lot of other people) really pushed a button with Princess #2!

Okay, so I do not have time to write all the reasons Fox News (the cable channel - not the local folks) and Bill O'Reilly make my blood boil. Fortunately, there are numerous websites devoted to it. Check out:
www.newshounds.com or

www.oreilly-sucks.com

There you go.

Now, as for the assumptions about where I get my news, here's a partial answer:

CNN, on tv and online (I do not watch MSNBC - I do watch Rachel Maddow on line occasionally)
I do not watch local news - I get local news from blogs and the Journal Sentinel
The Associated Press website
Yahoo News
The Advocate and Human Rights Campaign for news about gay issues
Huffington Post (this is a full-on addiction)
Fivethirtyeight.com for UNBIASED polls and trend analysis
Poltico.com
Whitehouse.gov - yes, I like to read the press releases as they were written and see how they are interpreted in the news
Freedomhouse.org

There are many, many others, which is the point. You can't get all your news from one source. I hope we can at least agree on that.

As for wine, I enjoy Pinot Gris with food, but I still like a nice crisp Chardonnay the best.

Tomorrow I will expound upon why I know I am a liberal (which means that the current incarnation of the Democratic Party is where my vote goes), why I know I am not a conservative and most likely never will be, and what I think the Republican Party needs to do if it is to survive, much less regain power. (This is not snarkiness - fewer than 25% of adults align themselves with the GOP.) This includes my assertion that a viable third party should be formed in this country, and I am not talking libertarian or independent.

The burgers are coming off the grill. Ta ta for now.

Happy Independence Day!

Happy 4th of July! Hope you have a wonderful day with family and friends. This nation is truly worth celebrating.

Distracted by...Products that Disappoint

I tried a couple of laundry products recently that I cannot recommend to you.
1 - Tide with Bleach Alternative in Clean Breeze Scent. Now, I love Tide. I use it exclusively. Tide Total Care is awesome. The Clean Breeze Scent, unfortunately, is absolutely obnoxious. Even after a double rinse cycle the smell is overpowering. I am going to give the rest of it away.

2- Sun Oxygen Cleaner - this is the Oxy Clean knock-off that my mother said made a huge difference in her laundry. She said the whites are whiter and the colors are brighter. I have to say, I didn't notice the difference at all. I'll try it a few more times and tell you if something changes, but for now it's a waste of time and money.

That's it for now. Tomorrow we are doing a whiskey taste-test at Princess #4's Fourth of July barbecue, so I'll let you know how that goes!

Distracted by...My Car's Birthday

Well, kind of. Today my odometer turned over to 50,000 and I missed it. Kinda sad. I really kept an eye on it and then I started grooving to a good song on an old Quincy Jones tape I have and, well, you know what happened. All of a sudden I see this:

Poop a doop! Oh well.

Jesus Christ My Computer's Broken Again

Seriously, WTF? I logged on and checked a couple websites (CNN and the Journal, not, like, shady porn sites) and all of a sudden it started freaking out. I can get to my home page but then it won't let me open anything or open a different site. It just makes that annoying chime sound when I click. SIGH.We have to take it to iNet to get the hard drive data transferred anyway, so they can fix it I guess. For now I'm back to the crappy old lap top like this is the fucking Flintstones or something. Goddammit.

Oh well, I still have the Palin train wreck and a gin and tonic to keep me happy. :-)

Distracted by...The 4th of July Fairy

I must have been a very good girl this week because the 4th of July Fairy just gave me the best gift! Hold on to your Uncle Sam hat - Sarah Palin in resigning as Governor of Alaska!

Bwaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaahhhhhhaaaaaaa!!!!!

What a fucking moron! She says she's resigning because she wants to "affect change outside of government" and doesn't want to be a "lame duck" since she will not be seeking another term. Uh, listen sweetie, lame duckness might not be fun but the people elected you (in a drunken stupor, I can only assume) and you have an obligation to them to complete your term! Do your fucking job!

Obviously this is not a cut-and-dry story. Something huge is going to come out.

Ed Rollins was just on CNN calling the decision "stupid" and "foolish," and this is the guy who supported her all along as a VP candidate!

Man, this will really be something to toast to on Independence Day. Declare your independence from stupid bimbos from Alaska! Woo hoo! Here, Sarah, hold on to this lit firecracker - I'll be right back...