Les Paul's Funeral

As many of you know, I worked for the Waukesha County Museum for over three years, spending much of my time attempting to raise funds and support for an exhibit about Les Paul. It was to be called "The Les Paul Experience: Music, Sound and Innovation." During that three years much of the staff lived, breathed and bled Les Paul. I learned so much about this amazing man, and was so proud that he came from Waukesha. I also made a life long friend in the museum's director, Sue Baker.

Here's me meeting Les at the museum. That's Sue between us.

We raised over $600,000 for the exhibit, but that was a drop in the bucket compared to the budget for the exhibit Les designed. (Yes, the plans were his idea - anyone who thinks they should be changed - ahem, current staff - is nuts.) The exhibit we had planned would be big and beautiful and full of state-of-the-art technology. I left the museum hoping that the work we began would be completed, and that someday Les would walk through a comprehensive exhibit about his life.

Well, he was able to walk through an exhibit, but it wasn't at the Waukesha County Museum. As the board in Waukesha continued to focus on their own egos and incredible small-mindedness, Discovery World Museum in Milwaukee walked right in and did their own Les Paul exhibit, with Les's blessing. I've seen the exhibit, and it's nice, although not nearly on the scale we had planned. I was pleased that the person who strolled with Les through the "House of Sound," as it is called, was Sue Baker, who had become a close friend of his. It was she who he relied on to be his eyes and ears in Waukesha, and it was she who helped plan his final resting place here.

When Sue called and invited me to attend Les Paul's private, family funeral, I got chills and almost cried. To say that being there was an honor and a privilege is an understatement. The service was under a tent at Prairie Home Cemetery in Waukesha. It was a cool, rainy day, kind of perfect for a sad event. Security was tight, keeping the fans a hundred feet or so from the tent but not out of the cemetery all together.

Les's grandson Gary spoke for the family, telling stories and reminding us all that Les was somebody's dad, somebody's grandpa, somebody's great-grandpa - not just the genius, musician and inventor the public knew. One of the stories he told was that when his son was about 5 or 6 he brought him to see Les play at the Iridium jazz club in Manhattan. Gary's son stood on a chair and called out "Hi Grandpa!" in the middle of the set, so Les stopped and introduced them to the audience. Then he said to the boy, "Do you want to play guitar when you grow up?" and the boy said "No, I want to play the drums." Les said "Well, I better get going inventing the Les Paul drum set!"

There were many personal stories, and many tributes. One of the most poignant things, though, was the military honor. I had forgotten that Les served in World War II. Members of the military were stationed on either side of his coffin, and along the back of the front of the tent. An American flag was draped over his casket and then folded and presented to his son, Rusty. Then from a lone trumpet, somewhere off in the cemetery, came the mournful notes of "Taps." There wasn't a dry eye in the place.

After the service we all went to the Club 400, a small tavern in Waukesha that Les's brother used to own. His mother lived in the flat upstairs for a while. Also, this was the first place that Les played with Mary Ford. (Before that she had sung with him, but this was the first place where she played bass guitar with him.) The man who owns Club 400 said that he is going to take down the sports memorabilia upstairs and replace it with Les Paul and Mary Ford pictures and items. By the way, one thing that many reports of his death included was when he "met Mary Ford." For the record, Les never "met" Mary Ford - he met Colleen Summers. He MADE Mary Ford. Picked the name out of the phone book right before their debut. He thought it sounded good and would be easy for people to remember.

The Club had been closed (and cleaned!) for the event, and the menu included the two foods that, when pressed by Sue, Les said were his favorites: grilled cheese and lemon meringue pie.

Here is a picture (blurry - I am a terrible photographer) of Les's son Rusty with Sue at the Club 400:

I gave Rusty a big hug and thanked him for sharing his dad with us.

If you want to get inspiration from Les Paul, you can visit "Les Paul's House of Sound" at Discovery World Museum in Milwaukee, or soon you will be able to visit his grave site at the Prairie Home Cemetery in Waukesha, where Les will be laid to rest in a serene, park-like setting. At his request, his mother's grave is being moved so she will be next to him. One of the things Sue said when she spoke at the funeral was that his mother was his biggest fan and supporter and that Les was finally coming home to her, permanently.

Finally, I want to share the words of WKLH radio personality Steve Palec, who emceed the event: "I can't imagine a world without music, and I can't imagine music without Les Paul. We love you, Les."

Brett Favre is Dead to Me

So it's official -- Brett Favre is the biggest douchebag in the history of the Green Bay Packers. Yes, even over Tony Mandarich. If you live under a rock, you may have avoided the news that Favre signed with the hated Minnesota Vikings today. The Journal Sentinel has extensive coverage online, including several photos of Favre in his Viking helmet at practice today. I want to slap that smirk right off his douchey face.

Brett Favre will go down in history as the biggest back-stabbing fan-hater in the NFL. After 15 years of adoration by the greatest fans in football, Favre "retired" and COULD have happily lived on in the hearts of present and future Packer fans. We would have retired his number and had a parade and probably erected a gold statue at Lambeau Field. I admit I bought several "collectible" magazines and the special edition of Sports Illustrated documenting his outstanding career. But did he go softly into that good night? No. He had to keep his face in the media constantly with teasers about wanting to return to the Packers. Or not. Or yes. Or no. Or play somewhere else. Or not. Or maybe.

It was bad enough that he played for the Jets - not very well, I might add. But the Vikings? Really? Jesus, Brett, do you hate us that much? What, we didn't kiss your ass ENOUGH for 15 years? Well fuck you and the private jet you rode in on. I am done defending you. You are dead to me. Long live Aaron Rodgers, the classy, humble, talented anti-Favre.

Put a target on Favre's purple and gold back. Drinks to celebrate the first sack of the season are on me.

Finally, a Moisturizer I Like

Let's take a little break from politics and talk skin care. For what seems like forever I have been looking for a daily/nightly moisturizer that doesn't feel greasy, doesn't clog my pores and create pimples, and improves my skin's appearance. Well, I finally found one I like!

L'oreal FUTUR-e is moisturizer with SPF15 protection and vitamin E. It is very light, non-greasy and absorbs into your skin very quickly. The pump is convenient and gives out exactly the right amount so there's no waste. I have been using it every night and every morning for about a month and I can see and feel a difference in my skin. I haven't had the blemishes I usually have, even during "that time of the month." I didn't have a bad wrinkle problem, but the little ones I have definitely look better. L'oreal FUTUR-e is $12.49 at Walgreen's. I am quite pleased!

The L'oreal FUTUR-e is perfect under the mineral powder foundation that I have been using for about six months now and love as well. Neutrogena Mineral Sheers Powder Foundation ($13.99 at Walgreen's) is a light foundation and powder in one product. It is quick and easy to apply with a sponge and lasts all day and evening. It's especially nice in the summer, when you don't want a goopy, heavy foundation and the loose powder that clumps when you sweat.

What's your favorite skin care product?

Bill O'Reilly must have finally seen the light

Believe it or not, this wonderful piece on President Obama was written by none other than Bill O'Reilly. Yes, THAT Bill O'Reilly. He hasn't denied it yet, at least. It will be in this weekend's Parade Magazine.

What President Obama Can Teach America's Kids

These are tough times for American children for a couple of reasons. The rise of the machines means that kids can now be exposed to material on computers or cell phones that is far beyond their emotional IQ. While high-tech can be a tremendous educational tool, explicit images and conversation easily found in cyberspace can rob children of their innocence and, in some cases, put them in actual danger. Even if parents are vigilant in monitoring the machines, kids can still get the bad stuff at school and on the playgrounds, as computer access is just about everywhere.

The disruption of the traditional American family is also adversely affecting millions of children. Right now, almost 22 million American kids are living with one parent; more than 80% of those are being raised primarily by Mom.

Just 50 years ago, a child living without a father was somewhat of a rarity. Now it’s an epidemic. Thus, our modern age presents vast challenges to children, and they need to learn lessons quickly in order to prosper. And who better to teach them than the President of the United States?

As has been widely chronicled, Barack Obama had a tough childhood filled with instability and loneliness. However, that did not stop him from rising to become the most powerful man in the world. His breathtaking achievement presents five important lessons for all children.

Lesson One: Forgiveness President Obama was just 2 when his father abandoned him and his mother in Hawaii. Four years later, his mother took her little son to Indonesia after she remarried. However, the home was somewhat chaotic as they tried to adjust to their new surroundings. So when Barry, as he was called, turned 10, he was sent back to Hawaii to live with his grandparents while his mother stayed abroad. That kind of situation could ruin a child. But President Obama betrays no bitterness. In his books and speeches, he speaks lovingly of his mom. He admits she was somewhat “reckless” but also says he felt he was “the center of her universe.” As for his absent father, the President says the void he left motivated him to succeed. So, it is obvious that he is not wallowing in past pain. He does not harbor bitterness toward his parents. Instead, he accepted his situation and saw it as a challenge. He forgave his folks and embraced a positive outlook.

Lesson Two: Respect Even though his mom and dad apparently put their needs ahead of his, he speaks of them in mostly affectionate terms. He finds a way not to demean them. Patricia Saunders, a clinical psychologist who works with children in New York City, says: “ Barack Obama dealt with his family situation by understanding it. He put his own ego aside and made a decision to act respectfully toward his folks. That maturity has served him very well throughout his life.”

Lesson Three: Persistence Barack Obama had few advantages as a child but decided to fight the good fight. That is, he got up when he was knocked down. For example, in 2000, he lost his run for Congress in Illinois. He could have given up and gone into the private sector where high-salaried jobs awaited him. But he preferred public service. So, just four years later, he ran again, this time winning a U.S. Senate seat. Psychologist Ruth Peters, who counsels children in Clearwater, Fla., believes that all the hard knocks Obama took in his young life prepared him for both defeat and victory. “Some people shrink when they are faced with adversity,” she told me. “Others seem to gain momentum and are challenged when they fail. The President did not use his difficulties as an excuse to quit. He used them as motivators to persevere.” But determination must be coupled with a very specific discipline in order to succeed in life. And that is the fourth lesson from the President.

Lesson Four: Hard Work A child does not go from taking English lessons in Indonesia to editing the Harvard Law Review without doing some tough work. The President earned his present job by performing in school and, later, in his various jobs. He was smart enough to lay a foundation for success. Early on as a kid, he understood the big picture. “Barack Obama loves his work,” Saunders says. “And this is a great example for children. They must understand that work is very important and will ultimately define their lives.”

Lesson Five—perhaps the greatest lesson the President can teach children: In America, anything is possible This is something of a cliché, but never has it been more vividly illustrated. Barack Obama, a youngster in Hawaii without his parents around, has toughed it out and become one of history’s great stories, no matter what happens going forward. What he has achieved in his 48 years is simply astounding.

Consider the odds. The United States is a nation of more than 300 million citizens. Only one person is currently the Commander in Chief. That man had no fatherly guidance, is of mixed race, and had no family connections to guide him into the world of national politics.

That adds up to one simple truth that every American child should be told: “If Barack Obama can become the President of the United States, then whatever dream you may have can happen in your life.” It all depends on lessons learned.

Distracted by...The Constitution

I was reading some more insane rantings about the supposed qualifications of the Presidency (I don't know why I do this to myself) and I see there is now a new thread developing. Not only is President Obama supposedly not eligible because he wasn't born here, but now "people" (is it correct to call non-sentient beings people?) are saying that even "if" he was born in Hawaii, he's still not a "natural born citizen" because his parents weren't both born here. Yes, somehow it's gotten around that the U.S. Constitution says that both your parents have to be citizens in order for you to be the President. Here's the rant that set me off:

"He is not eligible because he was not born of TWO PARENTS BOTH OF WHOM WERE UNITED STATES CITIZENS AT THE TIME OF HIS BIRTH as required by the Constitution."

Uh, those words appear no where in the Constitution. Here is what it says, and ALL it says, about eligibility:

"No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States."

You can look for yourself at www.archives.gov if you want. Notice that the writers do not define "natural born" in any way, and that there is no mention whatsoever of parentage. I hope I do not need to explain that at the time the Constitution was written there were few 35 year-old men whose parents would have been born in the U.S., if any, a fact that would remain true for many years. Herbert Hoover's parents weren't born here, and he was president in the 1930s. Someone responded to the above rant with this true statement:

"LOL!!! Hey genius, there have been SEVEN Presidents with only one parent who was born an American Citizen.Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, James Buchanan, Chester A. Arthur, Woodrow Wilson, Herbert Hoover, Barack Obama. You are beyond a fool, and all of you 'birthers' are completely insane."

I fail to understand why people insist on quoting or paraphrasing a document that they clearly have not read, even though it is readily available online. (It just occurred to me that this is true of both the Constitution AND Obama's birth certificate!)

Okay, that's enough of this nonsense. I have facts to digest for my history class.

Distracted by...Pageants and Pedophiles

At the suggestion of Princess #2, I took one for the team and watched an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras, so that you don't have to. This show is on TLC, which is short for The Learning Channel, and boy, do these people have a lot to learn. Like the ENGLISH LANGUAGE, for starters. Yes, this show has subtitles. Oh, it's produced in America. It's just that the people are from Mississippi and Louisiana (act shocked) and you can barely understand what the hell they are saying.

I sat down with a cocktail (act shocked) thinking I was in for a half hour of idiocy. No, it's an hour long. Christ on the cross, help us. The show revolved around three victims, I mean, uh, children, and the people I will refer to as the Pedophile Enablers, or PEs for short. Most of the PEs are parents. With very bad Southern accents and very small brains.

The children are Taylor, who's 4, Makynli , 5, (WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NAME IS THAT? IT'S PRONOUNCED LIKE McKinley, AS IN PRESIDENT MCKINLEY) and a girl named Madison, whose stage name is Tootie. Madison/Tootie is 10 and speaks of herself in the third person, such as "Tootie did really good on stage today. She's really tired right now." She's talking about herself!

All three girls talk to the cameras about how much they enjoy "being perfect" and how much they want to win. The female PEs mostly try to avoid revealing how much they spend on this bullshit and work hard to convince the viewer (and themselves?) that they only do it because the girls love it and they will stop the instant the girls aren't having fun anymore. Yeah, right. One male PE says "the guys at work think this is just about psycho moms." Those guys are correct, dude. The same PE says "I don't mind the hair and makeup but I draw the line at leather and chains and fishnet stockings." Oh, good. As long as you have limits. His daughter is 5.

The three girls are taking part in the Kings and Queens of America pageant in Louisiana (act shocked). Oddly enough, the pageant director is a woman who isn't wearing any makeup and hasn't seen a comb since 1982. The children, on the other hand, have way more makeup on than the hookers on 27th and State, including fake hair, eyelashes, press-on nails, and spray tans. If you saw a grown woman with that much makeup on you would laugh out loud. At one point Taylor's female PE is saying "she doesn't mind the tan" at the SAME TIME as the little girl is crying and screaming and trying to squirm away from the tanning lady.

The children, all tarted up like hookers, prance around in three competitions: Super Model, Beauty ("facial beauty", the moms say), and American Wear. Taylor - the 4 year-old - has a red and white bikini for her "American wear" and she comes out in a skirt and then rips it off to expose her body. SHE IS FOUR. The competition continues like that - the girls, from age 1 to 12, (YES, ONE. THEY CAN'T EVEN WALK BY THEMSELVES) strut, shimmy, shake their hips, strip off articles of clothing and throw kisses to the judges. It is sickening. Refill your cocktail.

While the little ones are hard to watch, it's worse with the older girls. At 10-12 years-old they really look like young women with all that makeup and fake hair. It's really, really, really, disturbing to watch them shake their asses for a group of judges and PEs. Very, very, sickening. And gross. And their PEs should be saving that money because theses girls will need therapy.

The little one, Taylor, wins a crown (5th place) and falls asleep in her mom's lap, totally oblivious. Makynli (JESUS CHRIST WHAT A STUPID NAME) wins a crown and a live puppy (they gave away PUPPIES) and is lovin' life. Her PE is especially proud because she won the Beauty portion.

Now, as bizarre and barely watchable as this show is, the end was...sad. "Tootie" only wins one award, and it's not the one she wanted. Her mother looks at the camera and says - I am not making this up - "She didn't win Beauty. Well, we can't change her face.'' She is standing there with her ridiculous, giant wig and her ridiculous Dolly Parton makeup, and they ask her, "Were you happy when you heard your name called?" She just stares at the camera. Finally she says "I don't know. No." She turns to walk away, but stops, and says "Don't put that on TV."

Children should be cute, not sexy. People who put children in beauty pageants are sick individuals who are creating fantasies for pedophiles and children who are damaged for life. I stand by that statement 100%. Do not watch Toddlers and Tiaras. It has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Now, I need to freshen my cocktail (act shocked) and scrub my brain with National Geographic Channel or something.

Checking out the new Target

There's a fancy new Target in our town, and it's one of those with a full grocery section (along the lines of a Super Wal-Mart). We got a really great coupon book and a $5 gift certificate in the mail to celebrate the grand opening, so I decided to check it out.


I normally do my grocery shopping at Pick 'n Save, augmented by the farmers' market and Panos' Meat and Fruit Market (a mini-market catering to the Latino market). I took my niece and nephew along and we spent (needed) an hour and twenty minutes to get the shopping done. That's longer than it usually takes me, but with an unfamiliar layout and so many distractions, it's understandable. Had I been alone it would have taken even longer because M&M did a lot of running and gathering items from other aisles. There were several items on my list that I did not get because we couldn't find them or they weren't available. And frankly, the hugeness and chaotic atmosphere of a department store and grocery store together was more than I could take. After a while I just wanted to get out of there.


The "regular" section of the Target is the same as they all are, and then the grocery section is along the left wall as you enter the store. It's fairly large, although not even close to the size of a regular grocery store. The aisles are arranged from side to side, instead of up and down the length of the store, like a traditional supermarket. For some reason that feels very claustrophobic and confusing. (Note to Target: two shopping carts barely fit side-by-side in your grocery aisles.) The selection is fine for packaged items but very slim for fresh items. If you want apples there are two choices: red and green. Yoplait Yogurt's most popular flavors are there, but I think Yoplait was the only brand available. Lettuce came in two choices: A head of Iceberg or a bag of Romaine hearts. Ground beef was in perfectly manufactured one pound packages, but if there was any other meat I did not see it. You get the idea.


Some of the prices were significantly lower than Pick 'n Save. Newman's Own organic pasta sauce was $2.19, vs. $2.82 at P&S. Jif Peanut Butter was $2.24, P&S store brand was $3.19. Frozen vegetables were $0.99 at both. Soda, a little cheaper. La Croix, 50 cents more. Milk at Target was $3.09 and the same brand only $2.36 at P&S. So there might be some cost savings if you are careful, but one also has to be aware that these might be special lower prices for the opening. It will be interesting to see if the prices start to creep up after the store has been open for a while.


Now, if you just go in to buy groceries you might save some money (especially with Target and manufacturer coupons, since they take both.) However, you're in a Target. I purchased at least $70 worth a stuff (CDs, socks, toys for the kids) that I would not have bought (or been tempted by) at a regular grocery store. That is the the business model here, I think. You may go in to save money on groceries, but they are betting that you throw a cute top and a box of Legos in there, too. So, caveat emptor.


The bottom line is this: If you need to go to Target for something else, it is worth it to pick up a few grocery items and save yourself another trip. If you are just going grocery shopping, stick to your regular grocery store.