Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe,

catch a Tiger by the...Oh, Lord, Mr. Woods what have you done?

Turns out Tiger Woods is not the chivalrous Mr. Perfect we thought (assumed, hoped) he was. His infidelity began as a rumor following a very suspicious car accident, but has pretty well been confirmed by his admission of indiscretions. Unconfirmed, but sounding more and more true, is the existence of several mistresses. SIGH. It's starting to sound like he had a woman in every town, much like rock stars and politicians who have been caught with their pants down.

This story unfolded slowly enough that I went through many "wonderings." When it was first reported he was in a "serious" car accident, I wondered if he was okay. When it was reported that said accident was practically in his own driveway at 2:30 in the morning, I wondered if he was drunk and where the hell he would have been going at 2:30. Then there was the report that his wife, Elin, broke the back window of his SUV in "an attempt to help him," so I wondered how she meant to do that - break the back window, crawl into the SUV and then pull him to safety out the back, even though the doors were functional? I wondered how they expected anyone to believe that. I started to wonder, as did most of the world, if what really happened was that Elin finally confronted him about the women's numbers in his phone and, after probably fighting for hours, he stormed out of the house. Then the rest came out and this is what I wondered: "Why, oh why, do these men think they're going to get away with this shit?"

I mean, really, in this age of cell phone cameras, text messages, emails, voice mails, how does someone as famous as Tiger Woods think he has any sense of privacy with some chick he met in a diner? Duh. You're Tiger Woods. Do you really think the little whore you're sharing your most intimate fantasies with is going to keep her mouth shut? Do y'all remember how grossed out we were that Monica kept "the dress?" No need for DNA evidence here - the "ladies" have digital proof that they are more than happy to share. And it's not just stuff like "Hey, this is Tiger, uh, Schmoods, meet me at our secret place.." No, at least one of the four women who have come forward says she has messages where he talked/wrote about erotic dreams and sexual fantasies. Embarrassing? Oh, yeah. His own damn fault? Yep, that too.

It's not just embarrassing for Tiger, of course. His poor wife must be mortified and his kids must be wondering why mommy and daddy aren't speaking to each other. I've never understood these guys who marry models, for Christ's sake, and then cheat on them! I mean at least two assholes cheated on Halle Berry! Just goes to show you, being beautiful does not make you immune to a wandering eye.

Tiger and Elin have two children, one of whom will not even be one until February. That means he was cheating on his wife while she was pregnant and caring for his toddler. That's really, really shitty. Shittier than just plain cheating, in my opinion. And what about the sluts he was seeing? They knew he was married and had babies at home. I wonder if there are any other women who told him to take his giant penis (at least that's what I hear) and shove it somewhere else, like into his right hand, for example, if he was lonely on the road. Maybe for every little star-fucker who couldn't stop herself there were several who said "no, thanks, how's your wife these days?" Maybe. But I kind of doubt it. I think these guys get a sense of which girls will say "yes." Rent the movie "Funny People" with Adam Sandler and Seth Rogan. You'll see what I mean.

Now what I'm wondering is how horrible it must have been for his wife to realize that they can no longer pretend everything is okay. You have a huge fight, your husband storms off and gets in an accident, the whole neighborhood is woken by the ambulance and police, and he's taken to the hospital. You have to try to get some sleep because the kids will be up in the morning, but you know that nothing will be the same again. He's famous, you're famous, and there's an insatiable 24-hour news cycle. Then his "indiscretions" are all over the Internet for all your friends and family, as well as total strangers, to see. If she wasn't taking a "mommy's little helper," she will be now, just to get through the day.

I guess this is just a good wake-up call that as much as we admire a man's (or woman's) skill as an athlete or an actor, we don't know anything about them as people. Tiger will "survive" this as an athlete, but whether his family survives intact is yet to be seen. Sad, sad.